Outrageous Grace

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

I was bent nearly double as I tried to make my body fit the small opening made for me by a police colleague in the broken down door of a derelict pub.

The stench of human detritus slammed into me like a wall as I inched forward into the blackness beyond. All of a sudden, a wave of nausea swept over me as I reacted to first the smells and, then the sight of the evidence of human degradation all around me.
“Breathe through your mouth” my colleague advised me and soon I became accustomed to my surroundings.

We were looking for a vulnerable young man, one of my ‘cases’. He was a proficient petty thief, heroin user and someone many considered to be on the human scrapheap at the age of nineteen.

We didn’t find him, in that den, one of his favourite hangouts, just soiled mattresses, empty junk food wrappers and the tell-tale signs of recent drug use.

We moved in silence wandering from one darkened room to another. On the way back to the office I pondered what had been lost from Matt’s young life. He had been a promising footballer at the age of 11, and among the foul mouthed cynicism of prisons and drug dens he maintained an air of respect for his elders. He was devoted to his mother, who had brought heroin into their home.

As we scrambled our way back out into the winter’s gloom, the daylight hit me like the brightest noonday sun. Such darkness and filth as it would have been difficult to imagine. Yet Matt and countless others inhabit this netherworld in every one of our towns and cities. It has become all that they know and they are comfortable with it.

Easy to feel either compassion or contempt for such people as these: whichever makes us ignore our own need of God's grace, whichever helps us feel more comfortable with the realities of life in this world.

The reality of Christmas is that Jesus bent so much lower than we can ever imagine and lived among us, to deal with the sin within and without each one of us. He humbled himself so much lower for us, so that we could be lifted into his light, rescued to be able to live a life fully and finally free.

And my life and heart compared to the likes of Matt? Just as filthy and dirty, no better, no worse, in God’s eyes, both equally in need of the same Jesus. What can any of us do to merit this grace? Nothing to make Him love us more, and nothing to make Him love us less – outrageous!

Psalm 91 - My Place of Safety

When all around me is shaking, when the future or the present seem uncertain, when nowhere and no one seems safe... then I hide myself in the shadow of the Almighty and he covers me with 'his wings' as a mother bird protects her chicks. There's no better insurance I need.

Is your faith getting in the way of your Recovery?

I grew up in Northern Ireland which meant that I was familiar from an early age with the writings and prayers of Saint Patrick. Patrick’s Breastplate intrigued me. How could God be before me, behind me, above me etc? In particular I was bothered when Patrick prayed that God be in his head. How could all of God, my child’s brain reasoned, be inside my head? Sometimes I would think so hard my head actually hurt.

Thankfully, God doesn’t reveal himself to us all in one, otherwise we would be struck dumb and possibly dead as some in the Old Testament were when they beheld or touched the holiness of God. No, God is more gracious than that, he became as a man so we could understand on our own level and he could reveal to us his purposes for all of mankind. My puny brain still does not understand the how of God’s being present all around me and most amazing of all, within me! But His Word has revealed the What, Who, Where and Why of his dwelling within us – ‘For God So loved the World that he sent his one and only son….so that everyone who believes in Him may not die but inherit eternal life.’ (John 3:16)

So the Bible tells me that Patrick’s prayer was not daft or illogical – through faith and by the work of His Spirit, we can believe that God will inhabit our souls and by extension he will also fill our heads (minds) with Himself.

For the Christian who struggles with mental illness this fact of faith presents challenges which need to be worked out on a daily basis. I became a Christian as a child, yet for most of my life I have suffered from chronic mental illness. This has been challenged by well meaning Christian leaders who have sought to explain my ongoing struggles in light of one of three options:

1) I never fully committed my life to Christ and therefore remain outside his Grace, or

2) I have shown insufficient faith in God’s ability to heal me from my affliction or

3) I have never learned the true meaning of being forgiven by God and therefore, by extension I am unable to forgive anyone around me, which, they reason must be at the root of my emotional and mental struggles.

I am thankful that God has shown me over and over again that He has walked with me every step of my journey since I committed my life to Him at the age of seven. I am also grateful to the many saints who appear in the Bible, both New and Old Testaments, who are shown to struggle with the blackest of moods, with real emotional anguish.

Is it inconceivable that Elijah was suffering from emotional and mental exhaustion in 1 Kings 19? And how did God respond to those needs? Did He condemn him for not triumphing in the victory over the Priests of Baal? Did He admonish him from not trusting his Lord enough? Did He see Elijah’s anguish as a sign of breaking the relationship with himself? No, God brought Elijah to the brook Cherith and there he commanded nature, in the form of Ravens, to feed him. He drank from the brook and he slept.

Two of Shakespeare's most famous plays, 'Hamlet' and 'Macbeth' have significant speeches centred on the reality of the emotional and mental turmoil brought on by lack of sleep: . It is not by accident that his most famous speech links the ultimate anguish of the soul with lack of sleep and the loss of reason and balance in mood and mind, as portrayed through Hamlet’s descent towards suicidal thoughts following his father’s death. For Elijah, God provided physical and emotional needs in order to restore him to his right thinking. Often, depression or other mental illnesses are exacerbated by basic lack of sleep or food, or other daily needs.

We are told in the New Testament that Jesus himself suffered intense emotional anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane, as he faced the road to the Cross. As a Man he was crushed by the burden of facing the greatest Spiritual battle of all time and eternity, as God He knew there was no option if God’s plan of Salvation was to be fulfilled ‘Not my Will, but yours be done.’ The Bible tells us that He was tempted and tried in every way as a man. As God, we know, He overcame every frailty, including mental anguish and the darkest of nights, when he was separated from his Father in Heaven as God poured his wrath on Him on the Cross. This was so he ‘who knew no sin, became sin for us’ (me). I know that some aspects of Christ’s suffering on the Cross have been taken by some to mean that God does not intend us to suffer in this life from any physical or mental illness as Christians. In the cold light of day this seems incredible, but it is understandable when verses and passages are taken in isolation. It does not take account of many passages of scripture which speak of trial, persecution and struggle against this fallen world and even the residue of the desire to do that ‘which I do not want to’ contained in our own humanity. Christ himself has told us to take up our cross, an instrument of torture and suffering, daily and follow Him.

I thank God that I don’t have to carry the burden of being a ‘failed’ Christian in addition to battling my own thoughts and moods. Instead I can learn to see my own ongoing mental illness as God telling me that he has not finished with me yet, that I still have much to learn of his Grace and love towards me and through me. One of my childhood heroes, Corrie Ten Boom was reminded by her frail and dying sister, when they were imprisoned in a Nazi Concentration Camp, that ‘There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still.’ My soul is secure because of Christ’s sacrifice and promise. In every dark night he has promised ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ If even the ‘winds and the waves obey him’ how much more will he be able to not only comfort us through the storms of our mind and emotions, but he is more than capable to calm them completely, if that is His will. My question to God needs to stop being ‘Why me?’ or ‘Why not me?’ and become ‘What now, Lord?’

When your Christian friend tells you they are struggling with mental or emotional anguish, please do not add to their distress by condemning them for being ‘less than’ as Christians, but help them to listen and wait for God to reveal his purposes through this time. Above all, help them to remember that they cannot do anything to change his love for them, ‘There is nothing I can do to make him love me more, there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.’ And remind them to be kind to themselves. Would you allow your friend with a heart condition or cancer to constantly berate themselves for failing as a human being, or even worse, as a Christian? No, all suffering is a symptom of our world and the falleness of it. But there is hope and Christ has gone on before us to prepare a place for each one of us and in His word he has promised that in that place ‘he will wipe away every tear’ from our eyes.

Lord, I'm Weary

Lord, I’m weary and broken, the next step feels too painful for me to take.


‘Here’s my hand, take it and walk with me to your Calvary, I will walk every painful step with you… I have walked it before.’


Lord, I’m weary, alone, my heart is broken the next breath feels too painful for me to take.


‘Here are my arms, let them enfold you as you bend your knees in Gethsemane, I weep for your broken heart….I wept blood for you before.’


Lord, I’m weary and sick of life, the next moment seems too painful for me to live.


‘Here is my Spirit, let Him speak out your pain, let Him carry you and know that my life is your life for now and for ever….all I ask is for the next second.’


‘Dear Child, I know you are weary and broken, weary and lone, weary and sick of life… I have lived every moment with you. I have borne all your pain, let me help you carry it and know that I carry you in my arms. This moment will pass and there is a brighter dawn – let me hope for you until you can.’


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28)

It's All in the Mind

If you’ve suffered from a diagnosed mental illness or even if we just consider the times when we may have misread a situation or someone else’s motives then the following statements may have a ring of truth about them: ‘The mind is its own place and can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.’ (John Milton) Or ‘There is nothing in Heaven or Earth but thinking makes it so’ (Shakespeare). Our thoughts and feelings are so powerful that they can affect our physical well-being. It is also true that when our emotional health is suffering often physical illnesses follow and… vice versa.

Throughout the Bible we are reminded by the example of a large number of personalities that God is not just interested in our spiritual welfare, but that he has created us to be whole beings, body, mind and soul. The Bible can be considered as God’s manual for the whole of our lives and so I want to focus our thinking by considering how practical the following verses are in helping us to live our lives so that we improve our mental health: ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’ (Phillipians 4 v 6-8)

There are mental and emotional conditions which require intervention from expert medical services. If you are suffering from clinical depression or other emotional distress there are periods when simply being told how to improve your mental health just will not help. There is a need and a place for use of anti-depressants and other medications which can help bring emotional stability. The most common mental illness treated today is depression and anxiety. 1 in 5 adults in the UK will suffer from clinical depression at some time in their life. 1 in 4 adults with suffer from a mental illness in one year.

The most common causes of depression are life events such as bereavement, divorce and other life trauma. However, there are other types of depression which can last a lifetime due to very complex causes. If you have been suffering from the symptoms of depression for a period of time and it is interfering with your ability to live your life, then I would encourage you to seek the support and intervention of your GP who can best assess what treatments will help you. This is because there are conditions which need medication in order for people to become more stable and able to function effectively in their daily lives.

Very often Christians can suffer from additional emotional issues, related to feeling guilty for feeling low. Sometimes, the way churches and other Christians approach (or ignore) the subject of mental illness, is inadvertently unhelpful.

1. Learn to Adjust your Expectations

* Be kind to yourself – If you are struggling against a mental illness remember that healing takes time. It probably took some time for you to become ill and it will take time for medication etc. to work in improving things. Work within the limits of what you can realistically do. DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF HARSHLY! (Even Jesus needed to rest – ‘But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.’ Luke 5:15-17)

* Life hurts - there will be times when it is hard going and you find yourself drained by just getting up in the morning. That’s ok it’s called being human. In Psalms David says (more than once!) ‘Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.’ Psalm 42:4-6 Accepting that it’s part of the human experience to feel this bad at times, hopefully will help lift some guilt.

Know that everyone has their limits and you can begin to accept that you are the same as everyone else. You may be tempted to give others a break when you demand far more of yourself. Sometimes good enough is good enough!

2. Take control of your thoughts

* Focus on the positive. Sounds obvious but is hard to do especially when you are struggling to concentrate. Don’t make a chore of it.
* Get creative – use the positive verses/statements, listen to cheesy pop music (really – I’m learning to love my inner Nolan Sister!!) have a long bath (banish children and others from the bathroom or the bathroom door!) Even if only for a short moment at a time focus all your attention on the good thing!
* Stop the Panic – Remember to breathe, Learn to listen to your breathing and slow it down.
* Live in the Moment – ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift from God which is why it’s called the present’. The Bible tells us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow which means he has lived them all with us. We cannot change the past or the future, try to focus on the here and now.

Jesus focused on this in the Sermon on the Mount: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ...” Matthew 6:24-34 When you find yourself grieving about things which have happened or worrying about things which haven’t happened – use your breathing or focus on something around you such as sounds, children, animals, a picture – anything of interest, to bring you back to the here and now.

3. Make Friends with your Emotions

* God made us emotional beings – they’re a natural part of our make up.
* Emotions are useful - they tell you that you are alive
* Emotions actually don’t last as long as we think – they come in waves and can be survived.

Above all, remember that your faith in God does not depend on your emotions, but on the eternal work of Jesus. So, no matter how down you may get, ‘there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still’. (Corrie Ten Boom – The Hiding Place)