How safe is your church for people who are emotionally vulnerable? This is a question we were faced with, when tentatively we introduced a Coffee Morning on Mental Health during a mission week nearly two years ago. It was as part of a week long series of coffee mornings entitled 'Help, How do I cope with....' I was responsible for organising 'Mental Illness'. As a long time member of our church I wanted to speak to others about my own experience of mental illness and faith. I was given the opportunity to organise two different events during our LIFE week in 2012.
The first was a public meeting where we used Mental Health awareness quizzes gleaned from Sane, Mind and other excellent websites, followed by questions to a number of people from our Church who had lived with Mental Illness or were carers. Then a GP who has published a book about depression spoke about faith and depression. I'm not sure of the total numbers attending but the main body of the church was filled. The response was immediate and positive. The second event was a more intimate coffee morning in a friend's house 12 attended. I told my story and invited discussion of what people felt was needed in the church to support them through periods of Mental Illness. A number of observations were made:
What Issues Were Raised?
A. It is often hard for someone struggling with emotional issues to face getting out and about. In particular, people recognised the fact that the church could be a supportive environment, but often the prospect of walking through the door was too daunting when feeling low.
B. Many were shocked when I first stood up at the front of church and informed them that I was receiving treatment under the care of the Complex Care and Treatment Team and that I suffered from a complex Mental Health condition which was long term. For them it helped to know that someone else in the Church had some understanding of the stigma of Mental Illness, even if we didn't share the same conditions. Essentially, people believed they were the only one (in Church) taking anti-depressants, or the only one whose spouse was Bipolar, or the only one who had ever had a suicidal thought.
C. There was a sense of failure born of people's belief that their faith should somehow 'protect' them from emotional and psychological distress. Talking about Mental Health and being open about how many in the church were struggling with similar issues was a start in allowing people to discuss their problems openly.
Guiding Principles
Having started the conversation about Mental Health, we are now working on how we respond as a Christian Community to issues around Mental Illness. There are some principles that we believe are important to ensure that as a Community we make sure our own mental and emotional resilience is strong enough to help those most in need.
1) Research has shown that finding hope and meaning for life, is a key protective factor in helping people manage suicidal impulses and feelings. As Christians there is much teaching in the Bible about the renewing of the mind, and many examples of practical care for our physical and mental well being. Primarily in planning events and training I have kept in mind the exhortation from Phillipians 4:8 ff: "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." There are a number of therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy which can be compatible with these biblical principles. Therefore Christian faith can be seen as a positive influence on someone's recovery, if it is taught faithfully and compassionately.
2) It is dangerous for Churches to advise members to neglect either medication or attendance at therapies that have been prescribed by medical professionals. It is important particularly when helping people with complex mental health problems such as Bipolar, Schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorders, to support them in accessing mental health services. When presented with peoples' needs, asking simple questions such as, have you missed any appointments recently? Do you have a Care Co-ordinator? Have you been in touch with your GP?, will enable you to discern whether they are accessing all the help and support that may be available to them.
3) No one individual should try to help someone with complex Mental Health Conditions in isolation. Expectations of boundaries should be clearly articulated at the start of any relationship. In this way, the person being helped understands that everyone has their limits and, because of that, there may be times when we all will need to seek advice and support from others. Any pastoral work carried out in church should not be the burden of one individual but should be shared by a team, even if there is one Key person who is in contact with each individual in need. This is important to prevent 'burnout' and the breaching of personal boundaries and limits.
4) It is not 'UnChristian' to set limits to time and expectations of every contact with each individual. Following the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus withdrew to a lonely place to pray and 'recharge his batteries'. In fact the Bible tells us that he often withdrew to lonely places to pray. If Christ needed to find energy and time alone with God, to help people, all of us should expect the same for ourselves. Self Care is essential if we are to be resilient enough to be effective in helping those with Mental Health issues.
For those with Mental Health issues there is often a sense of chronic emptiness and endless emotional pain and distress. For us, it is exhausting to live with every day, but it is also exhausting when trying to come alongside and support us. God cares for all of us and if we find that we are reaching our limits, we need to be honest with one another about that. It is not helpful for one person to set out to help me, with my Mental Health issues, with little idea of how often and for how long I can contact them without causing them to feel 'burnt out'.
In the past I have been hurt when so called 'pastoral' relationships have been abruptly terminated because the person seeking to pastor me has found themselves unable to cope with my levels of distress. Better to have never started the relationship in the first place than to leave me feeling once again that no one can help me, or worse, cope with me - such experiences only deepen my sense of alienation and rejection. If you're not sure that you can cope with listening to my issues, don't start the conversation and certainly don't promise me things you can't deliver. Clear boundaries set at the beginning of a relationship often prevents those awful moments when you're caught on the phone and find yourself unable to end it without causing damage to the person on the other end. Being clear about what you can offer at the outset and that there are limits to your interaction allows you to end it when such conversations have become unproductive. The question to ask in any interaction is, is this achieving anything for either them or me?
5) Any groups that are set up should have a purpose that is not met by any other ministry in the Church. Hence any Mental Health focused group should not become a fellowship for the 'suffering'. There should be a focus on positive encouragement from scripture and that group members will be expected, as their conditions allow, to contribute to supporting one another to make the most of their therapies and to positively engage in the wider Church community. We have a well developed small groups system in our church and all adults who attend regularly are encouraged to join one of these groups. In a large Church this is an effective way of making sure we care for one another. If people are physically able to they should be encouraged to make their own way to any group, this may be difficult at times and expectations of attendance at all sessions should reflect the realities around motivation when dealing with Mental Health.
6) Helping and pastoral care for those struggling with their Mental Health in the church is not solely the responsibility of the Ministry Teams. Some may have some more knowledge and expertise in helping in this area than others. However, being part of a community of different people with different gifts and experiences can be positive when it is welcoming and safe. Therefore the Church Family as a whole should be involved in learning about Mental Health and understand where and when to seek help for themselves and others. It takes a Village to raise a child, it takes a whole Church Family to help those with Mental Health issues.
What We Have Done
Given these principles, we have now embarked on a basic programme of Mental Health Education. The following is a list of activities that we have already held or are planning.
1) Basic training on Mental Health issues, Suicide and Suicide Prevention for Ministry Trainees.
2) Set up a Pastoral Team who can be allocated as Keyworkers to individuals needing additional support.
3) We have developed a five session long programme of practical advice and support to help those struggling particularly with Depression and Anxiety. This has been called 'All of Me' and based on Biblical principles seeks to complement interventions from local Mental Health services. This blog is linked with the work carried out as part of All of Me. We have completed four of these courses since last November when it first started. Many more people have expressed an interest in attending. We are hoping to extend the group to our Church Extensions after Easter. I have found that those who attend out of interest rather than from recognised need, find it equally helpful to maintaining their own Mental Health.
4) A Follow up Coffee Morning which launched All of Me and was centred on Stigma and Mental Illness. This was accompanied by a talk at all three main congregations in the church raising the need for education around Mental Health issues in general.
5) Talks to various groups in the church around Mental Health and tailored for the needs of each group e.g. Ladies Fellowship - older ladies excellent discussion of bereavement issues and depression.
6) Training for Growth Group Leaders and Pastoral Team - basic triage re emotional problems and how to signpost to appropriate help.
7) Suicide Prevention training for Pastoral Team and Ministry Team.
8) As part of a mini mission in September we have planned another morning exploring the issues around suicide called 'Help I Can't Cope Anymore' Again this will be a mix of education, testimony and talk by a speaker who has experienced complex Mental Health issues themselves.
There are numerous other ideas that are being worked out. Rather than seek to plan for unknown needs, our programme has been developed following response to two focused events which asked the question, what more do you think we could be doing?
Above all, it is my hope that when someone is in despair they will be able to find an open door, a listening ear and an understanding heart in our church family. Ultimately, I believe that if we are able to do that, then we can offer to each person, hope and meaning for every moment of suffering they have gone through in this life. And the opportunity to become part of a warm, functioning Church Family.
