Powered By Blogger

Monday 24 February 2014

Basic Maintenance for 'Me'

This is an excerpt from a course called 'All of Me' which I run at St Andrews Church, in Leyland. We aim to help people who are struggling with emotional or mental health issues to develop routines and helpful habits to support their treatment and encourage them in their faith.

'I have a very old car. It goes, which is good because I know little about what is actually under the bonnet. However, I do notice when fuel is running low it doesn’t run for long, or when the coolant is too low – steam starts coming out of the engine, usually when I am far from home! Apparently, if you run out of oil your engine gives up altogether. Does that sound like you at times? Are there aspects of our physical life that we need to maintain to protect ourselves from physical and mental illness? What physical factors make us more vulnerable to negative feelings, depression and anxiety?


Well, I can tell when I’m hungry before I feel it (so can my friends and family) – I get very grumpy. Lack of sleep makes me very unstable and I almost cannot discern reality from my feelings when I’ve been sleepless for a while. Lack of sleep is exceptionally destabilising for my Mental Health.

It sounds simple, but the Bible tells us that God created us and we were ‘very good’ (Genesis 1-3). It also tells us that we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139). We are finely tuned beings and for all of us our physical well-being and our mental and emotional well-being are very closely intertwined. If we are struggling with mental illness it seems that our physical well-being can be the difference between stability and instability. It’s just the way things are for any number of reasons.

So what can we do? Well, when my car is completely broken down, it’s too late for me to do anything useful, I need the help of a professional and so it is with us. There are times when we need the help of those who understand what’s going on under our ‘bonnet’. However, in between visits to the mechanics I do have to put petrol in the car, make sure there is enough air in the tyres etc., etc., otherwise I will have more visits to him than I (and my wallet) would welcome (or cope with)!

There are basic essentials that we need to stay alive as human beings. Without these elements in balance we would not be able to lead productive lives. I have come up with five of these essentials:

1. Air
2. Water
3. Food
4. Sleep
5. Shelter

There are many examples in the Bible about how God cares for our physical needs: Elijah was fed and watered when he was exhausted (2 Kings 19), Jesus thought about how hungry his audience was when he fed the 5000, he also made sure there was enough to drink at the wedding in Cana – and he cared that the wine was good quality! What about rest? The Bible tells us that from the very beginning God built in times of rest, not because he wants us to be forced to go to church on Sundays, but because resting one day a week is good for our well being. The concept of Holy Days or Holidays is God ordained. He did not rest after Creation because God needed to rest, no, it was to establish and example for us to follow in order to maintain life in balance. We all know about the modern epidemic resulting in people seeking to find what is called 'work-life' balance. Even before we are able to look at the factors of timekeeping and lifestyle, we need to look at how we care for the machinery of life.

There are three physical factors which directly impact our mental and emotional health.

1. Water. How much water do you drink every day? Do you notice any impact on your mood when you are thirsty? How often do you think about how much water you drink every day.
Did you know:

• An adult needs a minimum of 2.5 litres per day (that’s one large plastic fizzy drinks carton worth or nearly 5 pints) and more when it is hot.
• You have become dehydrated long before you feel thirsty.
• Dehydration can cause headaches and nausea and can kill.
• Caffeinated Coffee, tea and fizzy drinks will not provide you with ANY of your 2.5 litres per day, as they may quench a thirst but they do not deal with dehydration.

2. Food. Often people tend to eat emotionally. It is difficult to maintain a routine when you are depressed as time often doesn’t mean much. Here are some ideas about how to manage so that you don’t eat too much or too little each day.

• Keep to a basic routine even if this is the only thing you achieve each day. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at roughly the same time.
• Try to keep store cupboard standbys that are easy to make and eat – soups, ready meals for example (I try to make large batches of my favourite meals when I am feeling well and am able to freeze these and keep ready meal costs down)
• Don’t be too proud to let friends know that you are not eating regularly. Often good friends making meals even on a weekly basis is the start of a good eating routine.
• I find shopping online helps with my panic attacks when I am feeling low and also allows me to control the menu, what I am buying and how much I am spending.
• Follow government guidelines for fresh fruit and veg. I often fall into the junk food trap which is unhelpful emotionally and costs a lot of money. Set a limit of a maximum of once a month if you really don’t feel you can do without this as a treat.

3. Sleep. Shakespeare said that ‘sleep is the season of the soul’. This is probably the most important way in which people with mental health issues can help their own emotional stability.


No one wants to rely on medication to maintain sleep patterns indefinitely, so ideally, once a crisis has passed what is called good ‘sleep hygiene’ is important. It is easy to get out of good sleep patterns but FEELS more difficult to get back to. Here are some tips on good sleep habits:

1. Make your bed and bedroom for sleep only. Make sure your curtains cut out any light from outside. Is it cool enough? Remove all electronic distractions, including TVs and Computers. Do not work in your bedroom.

2. However tired you feel during the day do not succumb to napping otherwise, of course you won’t sleep at night.

3. Start to prepare you mind and body for sleep well before you get there. Turn off the TV/Computer/mobile/playstation.

4. In the last hour before bedtime do something which relaxes mind and body. A gentle walk, reading, a bath (not too hot), listen to gentle music, pray.

5. Avoid caffeine – everyone will have a cut off time for this – mine is about 5 p.m. and beware of soft drinks which have hidden caffeine.

6. Do not eat at least two hours before bedtime – we all know that feeling of coming back late from the restaurant having eaten later than usual and lo and behold no sleep!

7. I have a rule which says I will not speak to anyone about their problems or mine after 11 p.m. Everything does seem worse in the middle of the night and you know what? Most problems do look better in the daylight. Guard your bedtime.
OK so that’s the plan but what happens when you still cannot get to sleep?

Try the following:

1) Do not lie there tossing and turning, if you cannot fall asleep get out of bed and stand beside it in the dark – do not dwell on any worries, but just let them go, I find it useful to pray and as I pray to tell God each thought that is worrying me and in my mind’s eye hand it over to him. Don’t focus on the worries, think about good things from the day – something seen, heard, tasted - Stand still until you feel sleepy then return to bed.

2) Or, get up and leave the bedroom (remember it is to be kept for sleep) try to do something quiet like reading– do not put the TV/computer etc. on or make a stimulating brew (remember no caffeine)
You may have other solutions that have worked.

Above all else remember that you have developed a sleepless habit and breaking it will take time and effort so persevere with your bedtime routines. Also remember to be realistic about how much sleep you need. You will know how much sleep means you work at your optimum. For me it’s between 7 and 8 hours – one or two hours either way and I am a nightmare to live with! And Maggie Thatcher and Churchill famously only needed four hours each.


For Christians there is often a neglect of the basics of life, when tackling emotional problems. We tend to over complicate what essentially is the result of being human, in favour of complex, guilt ridden, spiritual pronouncements. We fail to rest in the knowledge that Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross was once for all, God completed it as he himself proclaimed from the cross 'It is Finished!'. Our salvation does not depend on feeling 'triumphant' or 'victorious' all the time. Such lack of nuance denies the reality of living in this fallen world. When we look after our physical well being we are better able to manage our minds and emotions so that they can be renewed by the Holy Spirit as we feed them with God's Word. The importance of looking after the basics is most important for those of us who have long term complex mental health conditions. It is easy to believe I have displeased God, when my feelings are out of control, but if I live in obedience out of love for God, then such anxiety is not the truth we find in the Bible. Instead, I can see examples of men and women who serve God faithfully, but when they grow tired, hungry and thirsty their perspective on God in their lives becomes distorted. Why should I be any different.

Christ has triumphed over death, but we remain living in a fallen world. When you feel low in mood, ask first, have I had enough to drink, eat or have I had enough sleep? When I got my first car I was advised by my friends to check the following: fuel, tyres, battery before I considered calling a mechanic. In the same way, it makes sense to look after 'the bodywork' first, if that doesn't help, then you know you need more expert care.'

Saturday 8 February 2014

Does your faith make you more resilient?

I used to think of myself as a rubber ball. Throw me down and up I'd pop. Problem is, after nearly 25 years of cycles of breakdown and rebuilding all my 'bounce back' was spent. Among other things I have learned that one of my main ways of coping with past traumas had been to throw myself (heart and soul) into challenging work with extremely challenging people - satisfying but emotionally draining. I have learned too that I was not equipped to restore my emotional batteries to remain effective in this role in the long term. I survived 10 years. At the point I stopped 'functioning' I raised my eyes from the emotional grindstone to find that not only had I run dry, but any chance of building myself up emotionally was impossible due to me becoming isolated socially and emotionally from every significant relationship.

As a Christian, my life was ruled by 'shoulds' and the same frantic activity (all of it worthy no doubt), in an effort to 'depend on Christ alone'. Then, when I found myself sinking into depression and 'not coping' I added to my own mental illness by judging myself for not being a 'good enough Christian'. Surely, I reasoned, if I was 'doing it right' I would not be facing the very real prospect of breakdown in every sphere of my life. Just when I needed it most, the way I was living out my faith let me down. Added to this was the total lack of pastoral understanding of mental health issues I experienced when I sought the support of my Pastor.

So what does my faith bring to my recovery from a complex mental health condition?

“God saw all that He had made and it was VERY good” (Genesis 1:31)

Sometimes I feel all out of sorts, like my clothes don’t fit right or I’m on edge – sometimes I think I’m having a ‘bad hair’ life! It feels that it just shouldn’t be this hard to get through day to day. If we look into the Bible we are told that God didn’t create the world in the beginning to be this hard. It tells us that after Adam and Eve disobeyed God then things started going wrong with the whole of creation including, having to work hard to grow things and having pain in childbirth. After Genesis the rest of the Bible is about human attempts to get back to that feeling of ‘all’s right with the world’ without God and God’s plan to make it all right again between us and Him. Often when we are feeling that we are struggling we forget to look at what God has said. Sometimes our feelings seem more real than the promises God has given us. It is good to look objectively (without our feelings distorting what is on the page!) at How God really sees Us…

How God sees it…

Here’s a surprise to most people: God doesn’t pretend that life in this world as it is, is ok. He tells us it’s not ok and more than that, he tells us that it’s ok not to feel ok about that.

a) Psalm 139 (all of it) but especially….v 13-16 – God created us …. And He thinks everything he created is ‘very good’…. Not only that but over and over again, he shows compassion for those in distress - this Psalm in particular tells us that he knows and accepts us down to the very genetics that are the substance of our lives. He therefore understands more than anyone when life in this world takes its toll on us.

b) Job 23: 10 – God has a plan for each one of us. That includes the painful as well as the good times. God doesn't stop us from making mistakes or from suffering, in fact often Jesus talks about how difficult we are to expect life to be. Why do so many Christians present an unreal and frankly unbelievable, saccharin pale reflection for the Christian faith? When we are facing the hard questions and experiences of life, we need a faith that is believable and robust.


1) Find your Hope and Meaning. Whatever your beliefs, it seems to be that people who have a firm faith in something tend to be able to find meaning for their own suffering and pain. As Christians it is God who bestows meaning. He created us and understands every cell in our bodies.

Wherever people tend to find it, meaning provides a framework in which to work towards wholeness. I personally believe there is a God and therefore there is meaning in all of life.For me there is a need for an ongoing dialogue which seeks to balance the pain of life with the value of life. There have been times when I did not want to continue living - at these times I have learned to adjust my perception of God. So my 'shoulds' changed radically and became imperatives born of relationship with God.

For me, faith must be dynamic and responsive to all of life. It is important that our faith is in something that is robust enough to make sense of our own suffering and offers a way to create meaning for our life and experience, through engaging with the world around us. Finding this meaning is important as an anchor when our emotions and/or perceptions of the world around become unstable. They provide a foundation on which to build key life changes.

2) Have compassion for Yourself. How often are we prepared to give support, help and hope to others, that we wouldn't consider ourselves worthy of? Be kind to yourself: make time to restore yourself emotionally. When you are exhausted, it may feel good to listen to someone else's problems, but where can you find the emotional strength to keep you going and to help them? It isn't selfish to take a long bath, if that helps you relax and begin to remember how to enjoy things. No matter how compassionate other are towards you, if you are incapable of loving yourself, then you can't find a way to let that love and compassion in. Learning to love yourself, especially if your life has told you that you are not worth it, takes time and effort. It is worth because it not only feeds you from within, but enables you to absorb emotional energy from others.


3) Take Care of the bodywork... I have an old car and when it breaks down I call either the RAC or my mechanic. They are necessary in a crisis. I would be an idiot if I tried to run my car on a day to day basis, without providing the basics of petrol, water, oil, check tyre pressures and make sure the brakes are working. I have a responsibility to maintain it as well as I can it also reduces some of the regular bills from the mechanic. So, how do we care for our body? It is clear that there is a link between physical stamina and emotional or psychological well being. Physical well being is not just being a perfect figure or being able to run a marathon, it includes being regularly aware of the signals from our body that it needs rest, food or water, and doing something to meet those needs. When I am physically fit, I know I can cope better with my relationships and tend to be in a position to give as well as receive.


4) Avoid Emotional Blackholes I guess no one would like to called a 'hole' of any description, but we have all come across those people who we can never help no matter how much time or emotion we spend on them. As someone with BPD I have been an emotional 'Black Hole'(BH) - it took some very honest friends to help me to see that no 'one' person could provide the emotional healing that I have needed. It also helped to know that my emotional needs were understandable given what has happened in my life. I have learned from my own experience as a BH that boundaries which protect both people, also help to build healthier friendships and relationships. If you are open and honest about what your limits are, then it is possible to limit the emotional impact of draining people. Above all try and care for every aspect of your life as you begin to feel better. Remember, no part of us exists in isolation from the other parts. Sometimes as Christians, we allow ourselves to be burned out by people whose needs are endless bbecause we think we 'should' be available all the time. If we look at Christ's example, he often withdrew to lonely places because responding to peoples' needs is draining - if Christ needed 'space and time' to recharge how much more do we?


Don't let your faith become an unnecessary drain on your emotional and physical resources - allow God to use your experiences, however, painful to strengthen your relationship with him. He never promised you a rose garden, but he did promise to be with you every step of the way

Wednesday 5 February 2014

Whatever you find to do.... (Colossians 3:23)



Sometimes we think that our value in general, and in particular, our value to God, is to be found in what we do and, more significantly what we are SEEN to do. But in Colossians we are told that regardless of the title or role we fulfil whether that is full time paid, or entirely voluntary, we are to work at it with every fibre of our being. Because we do not work for the attention or validation for anyone on earth, but because it is the role that God, through the twists and turns of our lives, has revealed to us as his will for us. Fulfilment comes from knowing that we are in the role and place that God has given to us. We can be released from the pressure to endlessly 'Do' when we recognise that first and foremost God's purpose for us is to 'Be' entirely ourselves. Our ultimate destiny is not to achieve anything other than to become more like Christ in our relationship to God, to others and to the world around us.