This world is not my Home....

For the Christian there is a strange dichotomy between the here and now and the not yet. I remember a Christian song called 'The Now and the Not Yet.' We are called to serve God in the here and now, while being aware that inside us is a yearning for 'home'. I love the old time Gospel Song which says:

'This world is not my home,
I'm just passing through,
If heaven's not my home,
Then Lord what will I do.
The angels beckon me from
Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this World anymore.'

Especially when we struggle with the pain and suffering of this world, the desire for the 'not yet' can seem overwhelming. In my readings this morning I came across the following meditation from Henri Nouwen:

Fulfilling a Mission

'When we live our lives as missions, we become aware that there is a home from where we are sent and to where we have to return. We start thinking about ourselves as people who are in a faraway country to bring a message or work on a project, but only for a certain amount of time. When the message has been delivered and the project is finished, we want to return home to give an account of our mission and to rest from our labours.

One of the most important spiritual disciplines is to develop the knowledge that the years of our lives are years "on a mission."'


When I see my life as mission (sometimes feels like 'Mission Impossible'!)then I can view the obstacles and challenges as an inevitable part of fulfilling it. There is a purpose and a meaning for everything that happens.

'Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.' (Romans 5: 1-5)

The only destiny I have to worry about fulfilling is the one that will ultimately be completed when I arrive back home with God - to become more like Jesus in my character. The hardest thing to hold on to is accepting that, in this context, every moment of suffering and pain can be used by God in pursuit of the mission of my life.

Is your Church a Safe Place to be Mentally Ill?

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 1 Peter 3:15"

How safe is your church for people who are emotionally vulnerable? This is a question we were faced with, when tentatively we introduced a Coffee Morning on Mental Health during a mission week nearly two years ago. It was as part of a week long series of coffee mornings entitled 'Help, How do I cope with....' I was responsible for organising 'Mental Illness'. As a long time member of our church I wanted to speak to others about my own experience of mental illness and faith. I was given the opportunity to organise two different events during our LIFE week in 2012.

The first was a public meeting where we used Mental Health awareness quizzes gleaned from Sane, Mind and other excellent websites, followed by questions to a number of people from our Church who had lived with Mental Illness or were carers. Then a GP who has published a book about depression spoke about faith and depression. I'm not sure of the total numbers attending but the main body of the church was filled. The response was immediate and positive. The second event was a more intimate coffee morning in a friend's house 12 attended. I told my story and invited discussion of what people felt was needed in the church to support them through periods of Mental Illness. A number of observations were made:

What Issues Were Raised?

A. It is often hard for someone struggling with emotional issues to face getting out and about. In particular, people recognised the fact that the church could be a supportive environment, but often the prospect of walking through the door was too daunting when feeling low.

B. Many were shocked when I first stood up at the front of church and informed them that I was receiving treatment under the care of the Complex Care and Treatment Team and that I suffered from a complex Mental Health condition which was long term. For them it helped to know that someone else in the Church had some understanding of the stigma of Mental Illness, even if we didn't share the same conditions. Essentially, people believed they were the only one (in Church) taking anti-depressants, or the only one whose spouse was Bipolar, or the only one who had ever had a suicidal thought.

C. There was a sense of failure born of people's belief that their faith should somehow 'protect' them from emotional and psychological distress. Talking about Mental Health and being open about how many in the church were struggling with similar issues was a start in allowing people to discuss their problems openly.

Guiding Principles

Having started the conversation about Mental Health, we are now working on how we respond as a Christian Community to issues around Mental Illness. There are some principles that we believe are important to ensure that as a Community we make sure our own mental and emotional resilience is strong enough to help those most in need.

1) Research has shown that finding hope and meaning for life, is a key protective factor in helping people manage suicidal impulses and feelings. As Christians there is much teaching in the Bible about the renewing of the mind, and many examples of practical care for our physical and mental well being. Primarily in planning events and training I have kept in mind the exhortation from Phillipians 4:8 ff: "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." There are a number of therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy which can be compatible with these biblical principles. Therefore Christian faith can be seen as a positive influence on someone's recovery, if it is taught faithfully and compassionately.

2) It is dangerous for Churches to advise members to neglect either medication or attendance at therapies that have been prescribed by medical professionals. It is important particularly when helping people with complex mental health problems such as Bipolar, Schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorders, to support them in accessing mental health services. When presented with peoples' needs, asking simple questions such as, have you missed any appointments recently? Do you have a Care Co-ordinator? Have you been in touch with your GP?, will enable you to discern whether they are accessing all the help and support that may be available to them.

3) No one individual should try to help someone with complex Mental Health Conditions in isolation. Expectations of boundaries should be clearly articulated at the start of any relationship. In this way, the person being helped understands that everyone has their limits and, because of that, there may be times when we all will need to seek advice and support from others. Any pastoral work carried out in church should not be the burden of one individual but should be shared by a team, even if there is one Key person who is in contact with each individual in need. This is important to prevent 'burnout' and the breaching of personal boundaries and limits.

4) It is not 'UnChristian' to set limits to time and expectations of every contact with each individual. Following the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus withdrew to a lonely place to pray and 'recharge his batteries'. In fact the Bible tells us that he often withdrew to lonely places to pray. If Christ needed to find energy and time alone with God, to help people, all of us should expect the same for ourselves. Self Care is essential if we are to be resilient enough to be effective in helping those with Mental Health issues.

For those with Mental Health issues there is often a sense of chronic emptiness and endless emotional pain and distress. For us, it is exhausting to live with every day, but it is also exhausting when trying to come alongside and support us. God cares for all of us and if we find that we are reaching our limits, we need to be honest with one another about that. It is not helpful for one person to set out to help me, with my Mental Health issues, with little idea of how often and for how long I can contact them without causing them to feel 'burnt out'.

In the past I have been hurt when so called 'pastoral' relationships have been abruptly terminated because the person seeking to pastor me has found themselves unable to cope with my levels of distress. Better to have never started the relationship in the first place than to leave me feeling once again that no one can help me, or worse, cope with me - such experiences only deepen my sense of alienation and rejection. If you're not sure that you can cope with listening to my issues, don't start the conversation and certainly don't promise me things you can't deliver. Clear boundaries set at the beginning of a relationship often prevents those awful moments when you're caught on the phone and find yourself unable to end it without causing damage to the person on the other end. Being clear about what you can offer at the outset and that there are limits to your interaction allows you to end it when such conversations have become unproductive. The question to ask in any interaction is, is this achieving anything for either them or me?

5) Any groups that are set up should have a purpose that is not met by any other ministry in the Church. Hence any Mental Health focused group should not become a fellowship for the 'suffering'. There should be a focus on positive encouragement from scripture and that group members will be expected, as their conditions allow, to contribute to supporting one another to make the most of their therapies and to positively engage in the wider Church community. We have a well developed small groups system in our church and all adults who attend regularly are encouraged to join one of these groups. In a large Church this is an effective way of making sure we care for one another. If people are physically able to they should be encouraged to make their own way to any group, this may be difficult at times and expectations of attendance at all sessions should reflect the realities around motivation when dealing with Mental Health.

6) Helping and pastoral care for those struggling with their Mental Health in the church is not solely the responsibility of the Ministry Teams. Some may have some more knowledge and expertise in helping in this area than others. However, being part of a community of different people with different gifts and experiences can be positive when it is welcoming and safe. Therefore the Church Family as a whole should be involved in learning about Mental Health and understand where and when to seek help for themselves and others. It takes a Village to raise a child, it takes a whole Church Family to help those with Mental Health issues.

What We Have Done

Given these principles, we have now embarked on a basic programme of Mental Health Education. The following is a list of activities that we have already held or are planning.

1) Basic training on Mental Health issues, Suicide and Suicide Prevention for Ministry Trainees.

2) Set up a Pastoral Team who can be allocated as Keyworkers to individuals needing additional support.

3) We have developed a five session long programme of practical advice and support to help those struggling particularly with Depression and Anxiety. This has been called 'All of Me' and based on Biblical principles seeks to complement interventions from local Mental Health services. This blog is linked with the work carried out as part of All of Me. We have completed four of these courses since last November when it first started. Many more people have expressed an interest in attending. We are hoping to extend the group to our Church Extensions after Easter. I have found that those who attend out of interest rather than from recognised need, find it equally helpful to maintaining their own Mental Health.

4) A Follow up Coffee Morning which launched All of Me and was centred on Stigma and Mental Illness. This was accompanied by a talk at all three main congregations in the church raising the need for education around Mental Health issues in general.

5) Talks to various groups in the church around Mental Health and tailored for the needs of each group e.g. Ladies Fellowship - older ladies excellent discussion of bereavement issues and depression.

6) Training for Growth Group Leaders and Pastoral Team - basic triage re emotional problems and how to signpost to appropriate help.

7) Suicide Prevention training for Pastoral Team and Ministry Team.

8) As part of a mini mission in September we have planned another morning exploring the issues around suicide called 'Help I Can't Cope Anymore' Again this will be a mix of education, testimony and talk by a speaker who has experienced complex Mental Health issues themselves.

There are numerous other ideas that are being worked out. Rather than seek to plan for unknown needs, our programme has been developed following response to two focused events which asked the question, what more do you think we could be doing?

Above all, it is my hope that when someone is in despair they will be able to find an open door, a listening ear and an understanding heart in our church family. Ultimately, I believe that if we are able to do that, then we can offer to each person, hope and meaning for every moment of suffering they have gone through in this life. And the opportunity to become part of a warm, functioning Church Family.

Learning to be Content

In our 'All of Me' session last week, we were talking about emotions and thoughts. Suddenly one of the group members said 'I think I would be able to be happier, if I didn't keep expecting life to be better than it is'. As Milton wrote, 'The mind is its own world and can make a heaven of hell a hell of heaven.' (Paradise Lost Book 1) Some of my own misery has come from comparing the problems of my life with those of others. Even if I am right in my comparison with some, objectively, most of us in the Western World are comfortably off when it comes to the provision of the basic essentials for living. However, I don't think that most of us are so oblivious to this fact that material safety affects our mental and emotional well being to such an extent that it is a factor in our experience of depression. I believe that our expectation is that everyone else around us in the world is living in relative happiness because they have learned some secret, or have some inner resilience, from which we have been excluded. Perhaps, that is an easier rationale to live with than accepting that life just plain sucks!

As someone who has suffered all my life with complex mental health issues, who has suffered 'breakdowns' and bleak periods of hopelessness brought on by clinical depression and my battles with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), I find myself excluded from some modern Christian teaching. You will have come across them, perhaps under the title 'name and claim it' or 'health, wealth and prosperity'. Some of these teachings tell me that my ongoing battles with emotional and mental distress and trauma are an affront to God because it is a sign of my spiritual weakness. They tell me that if I lack anything, God has promised that if I ask anything in His name it will be mine...really? Is that all that the Bible says...? Anything, that I want, as long I ask in Jesus or in God's name? What of God's providence, sovereignty and purposes for us in this world. It begs the question what is the destiny God has for me that most glorifies Him? Is it to be healed on demand, or is it for me to become more Christ-like in my dealings with life and all its twists and turns?

I embrace the knowledge that God does wonderfully supply all my NEEDS. There it is that magic word, 'enough'. In Matthew 6: 25-34 Christ tells us not to worry about tomorrow because 'today has enough troubles of its own.' Nowhere in the Bible do I see anything that assures me that I will live a problem free life. In fact I see the opposite, what I see in the Bible is the confirmation that my own suffering is a fairly accurate reflection of what life is like - once again, life sucks.

So, if I am thinking that I am being hard done by, just because I am struggling with life, maybe it's time for me to change my thinking.

Here are some principles:
 Be kind to yourself – If you are struggling against a mental illness remember that healing takes time. It probably took some time for you to become ill and it will take time for medication etc. to work in improving things. Work within the limits of what you can realistically do. DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF HARSHLY! (Even Jesus needed to rest – ‘But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.’ Luke 5:15-17) The Garden of Gethsemane is an amazingly instructional picture of Jesus as man struggling with emotional and mental pain of being human. He was in such distress that he sweated blood. At this point I don't find a saviour who condemns me for suffering mental and emotional torment, but one who has been there in the literal and metaphorical darkness and who seeks to walk with me each step through.

 Life hurts - there will be times when it is hard going and you find yourself drained by just getting up in the morning. That’s ok it’s called being human. In Psalms David says (more than once!) ‘Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.’ Psalm 42:4-6 Accepting that it’s part of the human experience to feel this bad at times, hopefully will help lift some guilt.

 Know that everyone has their limits and you can begin to accept that you are the same as everyone else. You may be tempted to give others a break when you demand far more of yourself. Sometimes good enough is good enough! Don't expect of yourself more than you would expect of a friend in the same circumstances.

 Focus on the positive. Sounds obvious but is hard to do especially when you are struggling to concentrate. Don’t make a chore of it. Get creative – use positive verses/statements listen to cheesy pop music (really – I’m learning to love my inner Nolan Sister!!) have a long bath (banish children and others from the bathroom or the bathroom door!) Even if only for a short moment at a time focus all your attention on the good thing!

 Stop the Panic – Remember to breathe, Learn to listen to your breathing and slow it down. Give yourself space to acknowledge your emotional and mental distress, it's ok to feel hurt.

 Live in the Moment – ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift from God which is why it’s called the present’. The Bible tells us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow which means he has lived them all with us. We cannot change the past or the future, try to focus on the here and now. Jesus focused on this in the Sermon on the Mount: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ...”
Matthew 6:24-34
In other words, if you can't do anything to change it, accept your limits and be content to use your energy to solve the problems and overcome the hurdles you can, in each moment that you live.

 Stay Grounded in the Present - When you find yourself grieving about things which have happened or worrying about things which haven’t happened – use your breathing or focus on something around you such as sounds, children, animals, a picture – anything of interest, to bring you back to the here and now.

In church we are coming to the end of a great series about Money. This morning we focused on the following prayer, from a man called Agur:

7 “Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God." (Proverbs 30: 7-9)

In relation to money this is the wisest of prayers, but I find that the prayer for God to provide 'enough' applies also to my emotional and physical well being. If I am not tied to matching the life and lifestyle of others around me, then I become truly free to live my life as God has designed it to be. For every one of us there is a purpose for our gifts and talents, for our experiences and sufferings. In our modern world, within the church too, we have stopped seeing suffering and pain as part and parcel of the human lot. As many humans as I have encountered in all my days, I have never met one who has not had their share of struggles and problems. We deny the reality of the power of Jesus' Cross, when we try to sanitise the lives we live in this world. In the past trouble and strife was expected and seen as essential spiritual tools towards maturity and sanctification (ie becoming more Christ like). One woman in the group said to me that when she first started coming to our church, she used to think that the couples and families around her had it all together in a way that she felt her own family didn't. And now, after a couple of weeks she realised 'you're all in as big a mess as me'. The difference is that God will work his purposes out, and his main purpose for us is to help us become more like Jesus in the way we respond to all of life.

Basic Maintenance for 'Me'

This is an excerpt from a course called 'All of Me' which I run at St Andrews Church, in Leyland. We aim to help people who are struggling with emotional or mental health issues to develop routines and helpful habits to support their treatment and encourage them in their faith.

'I have a very old car. It goes, which is good because I know little about what is actually under the bonnet. However, I do notice when fuel is running low it doesn’t run for long, or when the coolant is too low – steam starts coming out of the engine, usually when I am far from home! Apparently, if you run out of oil your engine gives up altogether. Does that sound like you at times? Are there aspects of our physical life that we need to maintain to protect ourselves from physical and mental illness? What physical factors make us more vulnerable to negative feelings, depression and anxiety?

Well, I can tell when I’m hungry before I feel it (so can my friends and family) – I get very grumpy. Lack of sleep makes me very unstable and I almost cannot discern reality from my feelings when I’ve been sleepless for a while. Lack of sleep is exceptionally destabilising for my Mental Health.

It sounds simple, but the Bible tells us that God created us and we were ‘very good’ (Genesis 1-3). It also tells us that we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139). We are finely tuned beings and for all of us our physical well-being and our mental and emotional well-being are very closely intertwined. If we are struggling with mental illness it seems that our physical well-being can be the difference between stability and instability. It’s just the way things are for any number of reasons.

So what can we do? Well, when my car is completely broken down, it’s too late for me to do anything useful, I need the help of a professional and so it is with us. There are times when we need the help of those who understand what’s going on under our ‘bonnet’. However, in between visits to the mechanics I do have to put petrol in the car, make sure there is enough air in the tyres etc., etc., otherwise I will have more visits to him than I (and my wallet) would welcome (or cope with)!

There are basic essentials that we need to stay alive as human beings. Without these elements in balance we would not be able to lead productive lives. I have come up with five of these essentials:

1. Air
2. Water
3. Food
4. Sleep
5. Shelter

There are many examples in the Bible about how God cares for our physical needs: Elijah was fed and watered when he was exhausted (2 Kings 19), Jesus thought about how hungry his audience was when he fed the 5000, he also made sure there was enough to drink at the wedding in Cana – and he cared that the wine was good quality! What about rest? The Bible tells us that from the very beginning God built in times of rest, not because he wants us to be forced to go to church on Sundays, but because resting one day a week is good for our well being. The concept of Holy Days or Holidays is God ordained. He did not rest after Creation because God needed to rest, no, it was to establish and example for us to follow in order to maintain life in balance. We all know about the modern epidemic resulting in people seeking to find what is called 'work-life' balance. Even before we are able to look at the factors of timekeeping and lifestyle, we need to look at how we care for the machinery of life.

There are three physical factors which directly impact our mental and emotional health.

1. Water. How much water do you drink every day? Do you notice any impact on your mood when you are thirsty? How often do you think about how much water you drink every day.
Did you know:

• An adult needs a minimum of 2.5 litres per day (that’s one large plastic fizzy drinks carton worth or nearly 5 pints) and more when it is hot.
• You have become dehydrated long before you feel thirsty.
• Dehydration can cause headaches and nausea and can kill.
• Caffeinated Coffee, tea and fizzy drinks will not provide you with ANY of your 2.5 litres per day, as they may quench a thirst but they do not deal with dehydration.

2. Food. Often people tend to eat emotionally. It is difficult to maintain a routine when you are depressed as time often doesn’t mean much. Here are some ideas about how to manage so that you don’t eat too much or too little each day.

• Keep to a basic routine even if this is the only thing you achieve each day. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at roughly the same time.
• Try to keep store cupboard standbys that are easy to make and eat – soups, ready meals for example (I try to make large batches of my favourite meals when I am feeling well and am able to freeze these and keep ready meal costs down)
• Don’t be too proud to let friends know that you are not eating regularly. Often good friends making meals even on a weekly basis is the start of a good eating routine.
• I find shopping online helps with my panic attacks when I am feeling low and also allows me to control the menu, what I am buying and how much I am spending.
• Follow government guidelines for fresh fruit and veg. I often fall into the junk food trap which is unhelpful emotionally and costs a lot of money. Set a limit of a maximum of once a month if you really don’t feel you can do without this as a treat.

3. Sleep. Shakespeare said that ‘sleep is the season of the soul’. This is probably the most important way in which people with mental health issues can help their own emotional stability.

No one wants to rely on medication to maintain sleep patterns indefinitely, so ideally, once a crisis has passed what is called good ‘sleep hygiene’ is important. It is easy to get out of good sleep patterns but FEELS more difficult to get back to. Here are some tips on good sleep habits:

1. Make your bed and bedroom for sleep only. Make sure your curtains cut out any light from outside. Is it cool enough? Remove all electronic distractions, including TVs and Computers. Do not work in your bedroom.

2. However tired you feel during the day do not succumb to napping otherwise, of course you won’t sleep at night.

3. Start to prepare you mind and body for sleep well before you get there. Turn off the TV/Computer/mobile/playstation.

4. In the last hour before bedtime do something which relaxes mind and body. A gentle walk, reading, a bath (not too hot), listen to gentle music, pray.

5. Avoid caffeine – everyone will have a cut off time for this – mine is about 5 p.m. and beware of soft drinks which have hidden caffeine.

6. Do not eat at least two hours before bedtime – we all know that feeling of coming back late from the restaurant having eaten later than usual and lo and behold no sleep!

7. I have a rule which says I will not speak to anyone about their problems or mine after 11 p.m. Everything does seem worse in the middle of the night and you know what? Most problems do look better in the daylight. Guard your bedtime.
OK so that’s the plan but what happens when you still cannot get to sleep?

Try the following:

1) Do not lie there tossing and turning, if you cannot fall asleep get out of bed and stand beside it in the dark – do not dwell on any worries, but just let them go, I find it useful to pray and as I pray to tell God each thought that is worrying me and in my mind’s eye hand it over to him. Don’t focus on the worries, think about good things from the day – something seen, heard, tasted - Stand still until you feel sleepy then return to bed.

2) Or, get up and leave the bedroom (remember it is to be kept for sleep) try to do something quiet like reading– do not put the TV/computer etc. on or make a stimulating brew (remember no caffeine)
You may have other solutions that have worked.

Above all else remember that you have developed a sleepless habit and breaking it will take time and effort so persevere with your bedtime routines. Also remember to be realistic about how much sleep you need. You will know how much sleep means you work at your optimum. For me it’s between 7 and 8 hours – one or two hours either way and I am a nightmare to live with! And Maggie Thatcher and Churchill famously only needed four hours each.

For Christians there is often a neglect of the basics of life, when tackling emotional problems. We tend to over complicate what essentially is the result of being human, in favour of complex, guilt ridden, spiritual pronouncements. We fail to rest in the knowledge that Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross was once for all, God completed it as he himself proclaimed from the cross 'It is Finished!'. Our salvation does not depend on feeling 'triumphant' or 'victorious' all the time. Such lack of nuance denies the reality of living in this fallen world. When we look after our physical well being we are better able to manage our minds and emotions so that they can be renewed by the Holy Spirit as we feed them with God's Word. The importance of looking after the basics is most important for those of us who have long term complex mental health conditions. It is easy to believe I have displeased God, when my feelings are out of control, but if I live in obedience out of love for God, then such anxiety is not the truth we find in the Bible. Instead, I can see examples of men and women who serve God faithfully, but when they grow tired, hungry and thirsty their perspective on God in their lives becomes distorted. Why should I be any different.

Christ has triumphed over death, but we remain living in a fallen world. When you feel low in mood, ask first, have I had enough to drink, eat or have I had enough sleep? When I got my first car I was advised by my friends to check the following: fuel, tyres, battery before I considered calling a mechanic. In the same way, it makes sense to look after 'the bodywork' first, if that doesn't help, then you know you need more expert care.'

Does your faith make you more resilient?

I used to think of myself as a rubber ball. Throw me down and up I'd pop. Problem is, after nearly 25 years of cycles of breakdown and rebuilding all my 'bounce back' was spent. Among other things I have learned that one of my main ways of coping with past traumas had been to throw myself (heart and soul) into challenging work with extremely challenging people - satisfying but emotionally draining. I have learned too that I was not equipped to restore my emotional batteries to remain effective in this role in the long term. I survived 10 years. At the point I stopped 'functioning' I raised my eyes from the emotional grindstone to find that not only had I run dry, but any chance of building myself up emotionally was impossible due to me becoming isolated socially and emotionally from every significant relationship.

As a Christian, my life was ruled by 'shoulds' and the same frantic activity (all of it worthy no doubt), in an effort to 'depend on Christ alone'. Then, when I found myself sinking into depression and 'not coping' I added to my own mental illness by judging myself for not being a 'good enough Christian'. Surely, I reasoned, if I was 'doing it right' I would not be facing the very real prospect of breakdown in every sphere of my life. Just when I needed it most, the way I was living out my faith let me down. Added to this was the total lack of pastoral understanding of mental health issues I experienced when I sought the support of my Pastor.

So what does my faith bring to my recovery from a complex mental health condition?

“God saw all that He had made and it was VERY good” (Genesis 1:31)

Sometimes I feel all out of sorts, like my clothes don’t fit right or I’m on edge – sometimes I think I’m having a ‘bad hair’ life! It feels that it just shouldn’t be this hard to get through day to day. If we look into the Bible we are told that God didn’t create the world in the beginning to be this hard. It tells us that after Adam and Eve disobeyed God then things started going wrong with the whole of creation including, having to work hard to grow things and having pain in childbirth. After Genesis the rest of the Bible is about human attempts to get back to that feeling of ‘all’s right with the world’ without God and God’s plan to make it all right again between us and Him. Often when we are feeling that we are struggling we forget to look at what God has said. Sometimes our feelings seem more real than the promises God has given us. It is good to look objectively (without our feelings distorting what is on the page!) at How God really sees Us…

How God sees it…

Here’s a surprise to most people: God doesn’t pretend that life in this world as it is, is ok. He tells us it’s not ok and more than that, he tells us that it’s ok not to feel ok about that.

a) Psalm 139 (all of it) but especially….v 13-16 – God created us …. And He thinks everything he created is ‘very good’…. Not only that but over and over again, he shows compassion for those in distress - this Psalm in particular tells us that he knows and accepts us down to the very genetics that are the substance of our lives. He therefore understands more than anyone when life in this world takes its toll on us.

b) Job 23: 10 – God has a plan for each one of us. That includes the painful as well as the good times. God doesn't stop us from making mistakes or from suffering, in fact often Jesus talks about how difficult we are to expect life to be. Why do so many Christians present an unreal and frankly unbelievable, saccharin pale reflection for the Christian faith? When we are facing the hard questions and experiences of life, we need a faith that is believable and robust.

1) Find your Hope and Meaning. Whatever your beliefs, it seems to be that people who have a firm faith in something tend to be able to find meaning for their own suffering and pain. As Christians it is God who bestows meaning. He created us and understands every cell in our bodies.

Wherever people tend to find it, meaning provides a framework in which to work towards wholeness. I personally believe there is a God and therefore there is meaning in all of life.For me there is a need for an ongoing dialogue which seeks to balance the pain of life with the value of life. There have been times when I did not want to continue living - at these times I have learned to adjust my perception of God. So my 'shoulds' changed radically and became imperatives born of relationship with God.

For me, faith must be dynamic and responsive to all of life. It is important that our faith is in something that is robust enough to make sense of our own suffering and offers a way to create meaning for our life and experience, through engaging with the world around us. Finding this meaning is important as an anchor when our emotions and/or perceptions of the world around become unstable. They provide a foundation on which to build key life changes.

2) Have compassion for Yourself. How often are we prepared to give support, help and hope to others, that we wouldn't consider ourselves worthy of? Be kind to yourself: make time to restore yourself emotionally. When you are exhausted, it may feel good to listen to someone else's problems, but where can you find the emotional strength to keep you going and to help them? It isn't selfish to take a long bath, if that helps you relax and begin to remember how to enjoy things. No matter how compassionate other are towards you, if you are incapable of loving yourself, then you can't find a way to let that love and compassion in. Learning to love yourself, especially if your life has told you that you are not worth it, takes time and effort. It is worth because it not only feeds you from within, but enables you to absorb emotional energy from others.


3) Take Care of the bodywork... I have an old car and when it breaks down I call either the RAC or my mechanic. They are necessary in a crisis. I would be an idiot if I tried to run my car on a day to day basis, without providing the basics of petrol, water, oil, check tyre pressures and make sure the brakes are working. I have a responsibility to maintain it as well as I can it also reduces some of the regular bills from the mechanic. So, how do we care for our body? It is clear that there is a link between physical stamina and emotional or psychological well being. Physical well being is not just being a perfect figure or being able to run a marathon, it includes being regularly aware of the signals from our body that it needs rest, food or water, and doing something to meet those needs. When I am physically fit, I know I can cope better with my relationships and tend to be in a position to give as well as receive.


4) Avoid Emotional Blackholes I guess no one would like to called a 'hole' of any description, but we have all come across those people who we can never help no matter how much time or emotion we spend on them. As someone with BPD I have been an emotional 'Black Hole'(BH) - it took some very honest friends to help me to see that no 'one' person could provide the emotional healing that I have needed. It also helped to know that my emotional needs were understandable given what has happened in my life. I have learned from my own experience as a BH that boundaries which protect both people, also help to build healthier friendships and relationships. If you are open and honest about what your limits are, then it is possible to limit the emotional impact of draining people. Above all try and care for every aspect of your life as you begin to feel better. Remember, no part of us exists in isolation from the other parts. Sometimes as Christians, we allow ourselves to be burned out by people whose needs are endless bbecause we think we 'should' be available all the time. If we look at Christ's example, he often withdrew to lonely places because responding to peoples' needs is draining - if Christ needed 'space and time' to recharge how much more do we?

Don't let your faith become an unnecessary drain on your emotional and physical resources - allow God to use your experiences, however, painful to strengthen your relationship with him. He never promised you a rose garden, but he did promise to be with you every step of the way

Whatever you find to do.... (Colossians 3:23)

Sometimes we think that our value in general, and in particular, our value to God, is to be found in what we do and, more significantly what we are SEEN to do. But in Colossians we are told that regardless of the title or role we fulfil whether that is full time paid, or entirely voluntary, we are to work at it with every fibre of our being. Because we do not work for the attention or validation for anyone on earth, but because it is the role that God, through the twists and turns of our lives, has revealed to us as his will for us. Fulfilment comes from knowing that we are in the role and place that God has given to us. We can be released from the pressure to endlessly 'Do' when we recognise that first and foremost God's purpose for us is to 'Be' entirely ourselves. Our ultimate destiny is not to achieve anything other than to become more like Christ in our relationship to God, to others and to the world around us.

Outrageous Grace

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

I was bent nearly double as I tried to make my body fit the small opening made for me by a police colleague in the broken down door of a derelict pub.

The stench of human detritus slammed into me like a wall as I inched forward into the blackness beyond. All of a sudden, a wave of nausea swept over me as I reacted to first the smells and, then the sight of the evidence of human degradation all around me.
“Breathe through your mouth” my colleague advised me and soon I became accustomed to my surroundings.

We were looking for a vulnerable young man, one of my ‘cases’. He was a proficient petty thief, heroin user and someone many considered to be on the human scrapheap at the age of nineteen.

We didn’t find him, in that den, one of his favourite hangouts, just soiled mattresses, empty junk food wrappers and the tell-tale signs of recent drug use.

We moved in silence wandering from one darkened room to another. On the way back to the office I pondered what had been lost from Matt’s young life. He had been a promising footballer at the age of 11, and among the foul mouthed cynicism of prisons and drug dens he maintained an air of respect for his elders. He was devoted to his mother, who had brought heroin into their home.

As we scrambled our way back out into the winter’s gloom, the daylight hit me like the brightest noonday sun. Such darkness and filth as it would have been difficult to imagine. Yet Matt and countless others inhabit this netherworld in every one of our towns and cities. It has become all that they know and they are comfortable with it.

Easy to feel either compassion or contempt for such people as these: whichever makes us ignore our own need of God's grace, whichever helps us feel more comfortable with the realities of life in this world.

The reality of Christmas is that Jesus bent so much lower than we can ever imagine and lived among us, to deal with the sin within and without each one of us. He humbled himself so much lower for us, so that we could be lifted into his light, rescued to be able to live a life fully and finally free.

And my life and heart compared to the likes of Matt? Just as filthy and dirty, no better, no worse, in God’s eyes, both equally in need of the same Jesus. What can any of us do to merit this grace? Nothing to make Him love us more, and nothing to make Him love us less – outrageous!